I grew up watching my mom lift weights. I can remember how cool I thought it was. We had a weight bench in our living room and I’d practice over and over again doing bench press. I loved the challenge. It wasn’t until later in life in my early to mid 20’s I pick up a dumbbell again. I played sports throughout high school and experimented with different training methods as I found my footing. I dabbled in Crossfit, ran a 5k and found my love in bodybuilding type training.

Pregnancy was a huge hurdle for me physically of course but the mental struggle of watching your body become something you don’t recognize was tough. I put on 40+ lbs with my first and 50+ with my second. By the second time I knew what to expect. Competing in bodybuilding before and after babies put a lot of pressure on me to feel I had to bounce back. The struggle of trying to prove your worth through your body is something I know well. Happy that I came out the other side with a deep appreciation for what my body can do that isn’t aesthetics based.

I felt like I was a failure. Here I was a fitness coach lifting weights throughout pregnancy and eating healthy and the weight still came. As it should. Being physically and mentally exhausted postpartum is something no one can prepare you for. I felt alone and like no one understood how hard it was.

I tried carrying the load on my own. I have a don’t quit and don’t ask for help mentality. This did not serve me well postpartum.

Asking for and admitting to myself I needed help is what changed things for me. I started asking my husband, my sister and in laws for help. Even if it was something small like sitting with the baby for me to shower allowed me to start feeling more like myself.

My life now is a reflection of knowing when to push in training and nutrition and when to allow what I call a “life season” happen without feeling like a failure. For example if I’m unable to train due to the kids one day I don’t freak out. I re-arrange my training that week or I let the kids join me in our home gym. I make the best out of the situation instead of letting the situation dictate my long term success. My kids are now 3 & 10 and we have a good routine down.

My overall goal with health and fitness is no longer about just looking good. My top priority is overall health. Being able to play with my kids and one day grandkids. I’m responsible for a large part of how my kids will view weight, food and working out. I don’t talk about my weight in front of them or mention when I’m in a diet phase. I feel like for the first time I’m free. I’m not restricted by what I can eat but have the freedom to chose my foods for my goals. I don’t have to weight train I GET to weight train.

This is why I coach. I want every woman; especially moms to feel good in their skin regardless of the scale. I want them to feel free not restricted. I want them to see weight training as an extension of health and life.